Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
time to smoke my breakfast
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize