so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
