Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
