Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
