I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
