How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
