the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
