He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
