Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
