onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
