You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
