T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
