It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
