went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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