My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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