The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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