i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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