Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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