My underwear smells like fireworks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
