I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
