my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize