you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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