I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
