I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
