maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
