I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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