Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he puts the penis in happiness.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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