what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize