Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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