Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
