my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
