Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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