It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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