It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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