I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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