I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
