I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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