She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
