I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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