I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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