we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
