This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
