I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize