i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
