you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
