I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
