he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
