OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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