you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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