Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
