When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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