i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
