You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
