her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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