I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
