you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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