you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
