matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
