Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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