Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
