i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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