Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
