I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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