a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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